Did I miss the memo??

Seriously kids, was there a memo I missed? A critical change in policy meeting that I didn’t know about?? I would have thought that changes in a policy as CRITICAL as this would have HAD to go to a forum for approval, but that aside the bare MINIMUM I would have said would be a briefing session notifying all users of the language-previously-known-as the Queen’s (and I don’t mean the ones you find at Risqué) English of the changes made to the integral core of the English language. The alphabet.
Now I know I am not a spring chicken anymore and received my basic education, where the alphabet is studied, memorized and engraved into our brains, in cursive and plain, back before we had democratic society and where we had schools where you were only accepted based on your suburb. Yes, Kids, I see the confused look on your faces, those post ’95 and purely educated in a free and fair South Africa, there was a time where unless you were exceptional, you had to go to the school closest to wear you lived. (It was the governments smoke and mirror show to keep segregation alive and well.)
Anyway, off topic, back to my education and how outdated and redundant is all appears now.
I matriculated when I was barely 17. Yes, this was in fact over 10 years ago, and I was cruelly reminded rather harshly by an invite last year to my ten year high school reunion – 10 years – that’s like going through the standards, 1 to 5. Twice. Yes, a LOT may have changed since then, but some on kids – the alphabet?? Who was this soulless creature who banished the vowels to dwell only upon the pages of long lost novels, penned with skill, and proper use of the Queen’s English?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I can hardly translate the communication of today. All vowels have been dropped, as if magically they were redundant. Pfft who needs a vowel in word?? Waste of time and precious letters.
Presoanlly I think Google, in all it’s brilliance, should release a translator language for this de-vowelled English I find scrawled across status’s and SMS’s in horrific abundance.
Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I prefer words supposedly originating from the English language, to well, fucking resemble them.
Perhaps I am being sticky or old fashioned, but please, someone please teach the youth of nation to spell and to communicate before we all regress into a society where we are communicating with mumbled grunts and guffaws. Society’s are supposed to move forward, strengthen and improve. Not regress into communities of comprised only of descendants of the village idiot.
Today I implore you, please dear God, help to eradicate and remove this ridiculous form of communication and restore the English language to what it is meant to be.

For those that are no longer fluent in English, please find the above text translated below into the language of idiots.

Srsly kds, ws thr mm msd? crtcl chng n plcy mtng tht ddn’t knw bt?? wld hv thrt tht chngsn plcy s CRTCL s ths wld hv HD t g t frm fr prvl, bt tht sd th br MN wld hv syd wld b brfng sssn ntfyng ll srs f th lng-prv-knn-s th Qn’s (n dn’t mn th 1s fnd @ Rsqé) ng f th chngs md t th ntgrl cr f th ng lng. Th ph.
Nw knw m nt sprng chckn nymr nd rcvd my bsc dctn, whr th lphbt s stdd, mmrzd nd ngrvd nt r brns, n crsv nd pln, bck bfr w hd dmcrtc scty nd whr w hd schls whr y wr nly ccptd bsd n yr sbrb. Ys, Kds, s th cnfsd lk n yr fcs, ths pst ’95 nd prly dctd n fr nd fr Sth frc, thr ws tm whr nlss y wr xcptnl, y hd t g t th schl clsst t wr y lvd. (t ws th gvrnmnts smk nd mrrr shw t kp sgrgtn lv nd wll.)
nywy, ff tpc, bck t my dctn nd hw tdtd nd rdndnt s ll pprs nw.
mtrcltd whn ws brly 17. Ys, ths ws n fct vr 10 yrs g, nd ws crlly rmndd rthr hrshly by n nvt lst yr t my tn yr hgh schl rnn – 10 yrs – tht’s lk gng thrgh th stndrds, 1 t 5. Twc. Ys, LT my hv chngd snc thn, bt sm n kds – th lphbt?? Wh ws ths sllss crtr wh bnshd th vwls t dwll nly pn th pgs f lng lst nvls, pnnd wth skll, nd prpr s f th Qn’s nglsh?
dn’t knw bt nyn ls, bt cn hrdly trnslt th cmmnctn f tdy. ll vwls hv bn drppd, s f mgclly thy wr rdndnt. Pfft wh nds vwl n wrd?? Wst f tm nd prcs lttrs.
Prsnlly thnk Ggl, n ll t’s brllnc, shld rls trnsltr lngg fr ths d-vwlld nglsh fnd scrwld crss stts’s nd SMS’s n hrrfc bndnc.
Prhps ’m ld fshnd, bt prfr wrds sppsdly rgntng frm th nglsh lngg, t wll, fckng rsmbl thm.
Prhps m bng stcky r ld fshnd, bt pls, smn pls tch th yth f ntn t spll nd t cmmnct bfr w ll rgrss nt scty whr w r cmmnctng wth mmbld grnts nd gffws. Scty’s r sppsd t mv frwrd, strngthn nd mprv. Nt rgrss nt cmmnts f cmprsd nly f dscndnts f th vllg dt.
Tdy mplr y, pls dr Gd, hlp t rdct nd rmv ths rdcls frm f cmmnctn nd rstr th nglsh lngg t wht t s mnt t b.